Dr. Agnes Thomas

Walking with my children is always interesting as they ask lots of questions during these walks. This reflection is from one of those walks. Iza asks: “How is it that some people make the right choices and others don’t? and what helps a person to be successful?” I had to tell her there was no simple answer to that question; however, if we speak from a seeker’s perspective, there are things that help people make the right choices and allow them to be sure of their pathways to understanding success. I then explained the importance of saying ‘yes’ or ‘no,’ in making these choices and she asked, “what about ‘maybe’?”
Our conversation got serious enough that we walked an additional twenty minutes to wrap our heads around how everyday choices influence our health and well-being. Since it is philosophical but applicable very much today, I will try to explore both of those questions briefly here. A choice can be as simple as getting up in the morning and brushing our teeth or taking time to pray or meditate at the dawn of the day. Then there are difficult choices, like letting go of the desire to hurt someone who hurt you and trying to be patient with someone who takes up so much of your time without consideration. We all make simple and complex choices every single day of our lives. While I was giving some of the examples of people whom I knew, I remembered one individual who influenced my life and how they became successful by applying a simple choice-making principle in their life. The person made a list of important things to them and items that helped them prioritize these vital things. One of the first things on their list was to keep a gratitude journal; every day, regardless of how busy they were, they wrote three things they were grateful for. Along with the gratitude journals, they kept notebooks for things they learned every day and people who contributed to their learning.
I learned from him that the people or experiences made to their list were not always positive or easy. Some of them caused much grief and made their life miserable. Some experiences were so harsh that they felt there was no way forward. But for this individual, it was all opportunities for growth and enlightenment. Over time their life successful life motto became to live every day as a gift and celebrate it as it is the last. By choosing to live that way, it made a difference to all who encountered their life and taught us all important lessons about what success is and how one should arrive at the place to define success. This person also taught me the importance of saying yes and no. According to him, maybes only create confusion, and it leaves you not committed enough to recover from an addiction, complete a task, make changes in your approach to work, people, relationships, and so on.
At the end of our walk, Iza and I concluded that people (adults or children) who can say ‘yes’ to things that they see as good for them (and are not distracted even when things/life get challenging) have a better chance to succeed and have a better outcome than people who say ‘no’ as soon as a little challenge comes their way. Other times, saying ‘no’ when it is essential and having the courage to do so. We both agreed that ‘maybe’ is not an answer, as it lacks life and commitment. No one reaches anywhere or accomplishes anything willingly and whole-heartedly with a ‘maybe’ attitude.
We also agreed there is no standard definition for success as it is different for everyone, but to be successful, you need to make the right choices and be consistent with them. Ability to say, yes and no determines our capacity to move foreword with many things in life. The reflection I had about it afterward was, “In faith and life, there is only ‘yes’ and ‘no,’ either you believe, or you don’t; you love, or you don’t; forgiven or not forgiven, then ‘maybe’ is not an option; it is an attitude!