James Baldwin, an African-American writer of the 20th century has made the following remark on parenting: “Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.” The biblical character of Tobit gave advice to his son Tobias all throughout his life, not through words but through deeds. Nevertheless, at one point in Tobit’s life, when he was utterly grief stricken, when he thought his death was imminent, he gave a lengthy advice to his son Tobias. Since he thought he was about to die, Tobit did not request that his son take care of him, instead he asked him to bury him decently. It is understandable that Tobit who was engaged his entire life in the merciful act of burying the dead, wanted to have a religious burial for himself too. He knew how ignominious for the deceased it was to lay unattended and decompose in the open air. Besides, it was part of the stipulations in the Torah to bury the dead before the sunset. More than anything, Tobit did not want his dead body to defy the Lord and defile the land.
The next thing he wanted his son to do was to take care of his mother. Here is a saying credited to Theodore Hesburgh, American catholic priest who was president of the University of Notre Dame for 35 years: “The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” Tobit’s love for his wife is evident in the instruction he gave to his son, “Do whatever pleases her” (Tobit 4,3). In fact, the Jewish Scriptures contain some interesting instructions to safeguard the rights of a wife. One among them was that a husband should not leave his wife for one year after their marriage. He was not allowed to travel, or enroll in the military service or do other business, rather he has to remain home with his wife. And the Torah has also an idea about what the husband should do during the whole year: he has to please his wife (Cf. Dt 24,5). It is presumed by the rabbis that the husband has to bring sexual gratification to his wife. Many young families find themselves in a sandwiched situation. They have to take care not only of their aging and ailing parents but also their young partner and very young children. Constraints of time and resources plague them.
The very fact that Tobit gave a lot of instructions to his son is very relevant today. The significance of the admonitions is that these were given when the family of Tobit was in exile. So, before parting from this world, Tobit is giving clear instructions to his son about how to live a truly Jewish life, in a foreign country. Today, many youngsters are leaving for foreign countries looking for a secure and more comfortable life. Will they be able to stick on to the noble values with which they were brought up? How much can the parents help their children to continue to preserve their faith and morals? Is the church really concerned about the problem faced by the families from which the children have migrated to foreign lands? The story of the exiled family of Tobit pricks us with questions pertinent to our situation.
Book of Tobit is known for advocating the merciful act of almsgiving. Tobit advises his son, “Almsgiving keeps you from going into darkness.” It is interesting to note that it is the blind man Tobit, a man who lives in darkness in spite of his acts of mercy, who makes the assertion that alms giving will prevent one from falling into darkness (4,10) It indicates that the darkness Tobit refers to is not the physical darkness, but the loss of inner light. The one who engages himself in the acts of mercy will ever be guided by the divine light. It is the possession of this inner light that made Tobit affirm that the almsgiving delivers from death. Although he himself prayed for death a moment ago, and thought that his death was imminent, he boldly stated that almsgiving delivers from death. He had deep faith, and staunch hope. Finally, his faith was vindicated and hope fulfilled when he was healed and his fortunes reinstated.
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