Dr. Agnes S. Thomas

What led me to write this reflection this week is two-fold: I have just finished teaching a community transformation course, and we celebrate Mother’s Day this weekend. A core theme that emerged out of these two very separate and distinct events for me in this season is the gift of listening. Listening as a core value paves the way for long-standing relationships and transformational growth in individuals and communities because it is founded on empathy, trust, respect, and love.

As a mother of three children, listening was the first and most essential skill I had to develop. If I remember correctly, the first time, it was to listen to understand what was happening with my new-born girl, who depended on me for survival. There was no language other than one of the eyes and heart. But it quickly made me learn to listen differently and accurately. Almost like a vigil type of attention to understand and to observe for cues, so my baby won’t be hungry, not sick, not too cold, not too warm, and numerous other things real or fictional a first-time parent would worry about. The child’s well-being became the core focus and goal of my wanting to be an active listener. Over the years, listening and the ways of listening changed. Sometimes, when life got busy, I felt that listening became a challenge and obstacle at home and in the community.

The question I ask myself and others in the circle now is when the children grow up, how do we ensure to learn new ways of listening and the ways we address the power imbalances that may exist between a teenager and parent or in community articulating the power differences that exist between groups and individuals. How are we teaching our children to be good listeners so they, too, can listen for cues that seek understanding, forgiveness, love, care, respect, and hope? If we adopt listening as a core value, without doubt, our families and inner circles will be able to create our homes safe and joyful places that extend beyond their domains.

Another picture emerges when I see the opposite of listening happening in the community context. When people as individuals or as a collective feel not listened to and understood, there is disharmony, misunderstanding, and division, leading to or contributing to many other social perils. We have communities and families that are disjointed, isolated, and marginalized. It all began from a place of not feeling understood, not heard, not seen, and not cared for. So then, should we not focus on learning to enhance and expand our ways of listening? To reconcile with our families and communities and to find ways to move together for a better home, community, and world? Should we not try to allow space to listen deeply before making assumptions and proposing remedies for issues that emerge from a lack of listening? We have this innate skill, and why do we take that for granted? Like a mother who learns to listen to her new-born, we as people are born with beautiful gifts to love and to reveal love through listening, caring, and sharing; however, until we try, we don’t own it

My class discussion identified listening as a foundation for community transformation regardless of the context in which one tries to make a change. It could be a local geographical community, neighbourhood, church, school, or workplace. This is an essential component for the well-being of individuals and the collective.

Listening comes in many ways and forms. Sometimes it is being present in silence; other times, it is the willingness to respond, yet other times it provides a safe space to unload anger and frustration. Listening is loving; listening is welcoming and creating a home and community with another person. Listening is compassion wrapped in care and respecting the dignity of the other in your presence, be it need or in place of giving. Let us pay close attention to how we listen to protect, show respect, and care, to create community, and so our homes and communities are places of safety and warmth for one another. And our children grow up understanding and appreciating the value of good listening!