Agnes S. Thomas, PhD

“Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless” Mother Teresa

How do the words I choose in conversation reflect who I am? Why do words matter? New Year’s is an excellent time to review past choices, begin new habits and start fresh. As we enter another year, let us take a moment to examine the effect of the spoken word in our life, be it among friends, family, neighbours, or coworkers.
In the past three decades, my involvement in community activities and youth and family ministry has allowed me to see life at its best and its worst. Some of these experiences and observations make me often reflect on the impact of the words we use in everyday conversation and how one speaks of life in general. This is because I have seen the power of words to heal, to build, but also, it’s capacity to destroy; like the proverb says, “The tongue has the power of life and death.” (Proverb 18:21). My years working with youth showed me the impact of words on them. I saw many young lives ruined by careless words. This includes young people destroyed of self-esteem, youth believing they are not worthy of living a good life or any life, and even small children who speak as if they have no future because someone told them so. Some examples of commonly used words I heard from the youth that negatively impacted them were “stupid,” or “good for nothing,” or “a curse to the family,” and so on. Sometimes these are not even words used in anger but just expressions. Some might think it is too sensitive to take offense to such terms. The realities around us reveal that we don’t need to use words that carry no life to discipline or guide our children and young people – rather, through affirming words and action.

As the old adage says, “charity begins at home,” let us begin at home. The first home is within you, and the second is with others around you.

My observations of families and communities are no different from the young people I mentioned above. Alternatively, families and communities that use words carefully and respectfully in their private and public spaces tend to be united, work together on challenges and work out differences more quickly and with dignity. When words were chosen thoughtfully and with care, there was less conflict and more understanding among community members. Then the question is, why are we not paying attention to what we speak and how we speak? Because we tend to react promptly to what we hear before we can think, especially with people and relationships we take for granted. We leave little room for consideration as we strongly believe, “oh, they will understand.” Although that understanding is often there, the wound left with the word can remain. Over time, these words become the relationship breakers for a partner, a child, a friend, and a colleague.
During one of my community visits, I met a woman who was going through a severe illness. However, the way she spoke of life and her plans once she got well would make you think you were talking to someone excited about starting a new chapter in life. She conveyed hope, enthusiasm, and life beyond her illness. In my conversation with her, I was inspired and encouraged to look at life with wonderment and joy and take challenges with a sense of hope and gratitude. My time with her showed me the extraordinary experiences of joy, love, hope an ordinary life can have despite life’s difficulties. So, I ask myself, and now invite you to reflect on your everyday experience, :experience: Do you speak life to your dear ones? Do your words create hope? Does it give joy or take that away from someone? What do you choose to share with others from your life? What are your commonly used words at home? Is it filled with joy, hope, encouragement or despair, resentment, and hatred?
As the old adage says, “charity begins at home,” let us begin at home. The first home is within you, and the second is with others around you. In this new year, I invite us to reflect and choose our words carefully and speak life to one another to build, rebuild our homes, workplaces and community.