Rose Mary

Rose Mary

“May it happen to me according to your word.” – Luke 1:38

The month of May has always been a favorite for wedding celebrations. Locked down as we are in voluntary house arrest, we having nothing left but nostalgic memories of how we enjoyed family weddings and the social gatherings that were an inevitable part of these. Of course, all these have regrettably changed and boiled down to an online card that requests our blessings for the bride and groom-to-be.

On a more serious note, we come to the realization that it is not only the outward fanfare that has changed. Over the space of a generation, there has been a tectonic shift in the way the institution of marriage and its ensuing responsibilities of parenthood are viewed. During a chance conversation with a friend’s daughter Reena, who had recently tied the nuptial knot, I listened to her detailed description of the circumstances that finally led to her decision to get married. ‘It wasn’t easy at all…’ she reminisced. ‘We disagreed on many post-nuptial plans’. ‘Like what?’ I asked with curiosity. ‘Oh, you know things like planning a family— the usual when and how questions.’ I remained silent for a moment. She concluded the conversation with a laugh saying that parenting wasn’t really her cup of tea.

With developing societies, women’s emancipation and education, women have gained respect and status in a highly patriarchal and gender-biased society. They have successfully broken free from the shackles of societal norms that had hitherto reduced them to a position of inferiority when compared to their male counterparts. All these developments are commendable. But as the old saying goes, one cannot help feeling that the baby has been thrown out with the bathwater—this time in the literal sense of the phrase. The rock-steady framework of family that nurtured strong relationships and raised healthy children has become outdated. The old-fashioned notion of getting involved in a relationship with marriage in mind has been discarded. A new-found independence has led couples to trying out several relationships before finally settling for one. Consequently, the final marriage decision comes when they are well past their prime, in terms of child bearing and taking on parental responsibilities.

In tune with this, a trend that gained great popularity in the US during the turn of the last century was the concept of ‘child-free’ marriages. This has percolated to almost all other developing societies as educated and career-oriented women increasingly refuse to take on biological and care-giving responsibilities that motherhood inevitably brings in. Faced with the choice of sacrificing promising careers, women often opt out of motherhood altogether, or, at most, decide to raise a single child, thus keeping maternal responsibilities to the bare minimum.

Close on the heels of this transformation came the demand for legal termination of pregnancy. The 1970s gave birth to movements such as Pro-life vs Pro-choice. The former stood for the rights of the unborn child in the face of legalization of abortion, while the latter stood for the right of women over her body, and any ethical considerations regarding the life of the unborn child were ignored.

As if all this were not enough, a third dimension is slowly finding its way into this increasingly complex problem of parenting. This comes from same sex couples and transgenders who want to have the legal right to adopt children. While we cannot fault them for their desire to adopt children, there is a natural fear of what the psychological impact of being brought up this way will be on the children thus adopted. Only time and experience will give us insights into these divergent forms of parenthood.

In a short span of two decades, the firmly anchored boat of marriage and family is coming apart, battered by the raging waves of individualistic ideals. The new generation has slowly but surely drifted away from the Word of God, and has consequently lost its moorings.

Young mothers today would do well to look at Mother Mary and unlearn some of the notions that have caught their fancy on their road to emancipation. During the Annunciation, the young Mary’s response to the Lord’s request, sent through angel Gabriel, is one of complete acceptance of motherhood, according to His Will. During the presentation of the Child Jesus in the temple, Simeon warns her of a sword that would pierce her heart as it pierced her Son’s. This too, she accepted wholeheartedly. Fulton Sheen in his book about Mother Mary quotes these instances as being proof of the laws of love that she taught us. Parenthood is the first and greatest gift of love that God gave to our first parents. And yet He has left us with the choice of accepting this gift. Through the life of Mother Mary, we also understand how the joys and sorrows of parenting deepen our relationship with our Father in heaven. All these are vital lessons for the young men and women of today.

The month of May is dedicated to Mother Mary. This would be the right time for young couples to seek her guidance and follow her example. Parenting is a divine gift. May the Mother of our Lord help us to realize its priceless value and give it the importance it deserves.