Stephen Jayard (Papal Athenaeum, Pune)
In the whole world, all the communities are highly stressed, both psychologically and physically. It also affects people’s spiritual life. How to cope it?
Stress level is increasing for several reasons. One fundamental reason for it would be that relationships are thinning out. People are becoming more individualistic in religious communities, in the society at large and even in the families. Children are busy with their laptop or cell phone or television. Both the parents are working. When they come home they are tired and they don’t have time for children. They think, as long as the child doesn’t disturb let it be happy. That is why they buy more cartoon movies and video games for them. That slowly grows. The size of family also matters. Earlier there would be three or four children or even more at home. They fight, they have their joys and funs and even the question of tolerance also becomes more. In the face of disappointments, the children will not be easily disturbed or be under stress. When they bought something, they shared it with others. That is why psychologists say it is better that you give one piece of cake or one chocolate to children if there are two of them so that they can share. Usually, we buy a toy, computer or camera or whatever for each. We do little to encourage children to share and make adjustments.
Psychologists say there is a real difference between the children who are brought up in the house where there is only one toilet and one bathroom and the children where there are two toilets or three toilets and bathrooms. Now modern apartments have master bedroom, guests’ bedroom and then common toilets. If there is only one toilet, children learn to adjust and wait. They think my brother is waiting, so I have to take a quick bath. All these things unconsciously train them in tolerance and adjustments. Whereas, when there are now two or three toilets, you don’t have to wait or adjust yourselves.
What are the scientific data regarding the effect of stress on people?
I don’t have any statistics as such. Stress releases certain hormones in our body as a natural reaction. It is nature’s way of helping us to deal with stress in an effective manner, either to fight or to flee. When the stress event is over, our brain goes back to its original state. But if we are continuously in stress, the hormones produced in the brain stay in the system, and the effect of that appear in many ways like shoulder pain, digestion problem, heart, kidney and even brain functions. There is a process called blood-brain barrier system (BBS) in which blood is taken to the brain for its nutrients and oxygen. There are four hundred very small veins and tubes doing that job. Naturally, there are systems to filter the blood that goes inside. This blood-brain barrier system is formed when we are a three-month foetus. Later this system develops all through life. When this barrier or filtering system is affected, then the toxic materials gain entry into the brain through the blood. That has serious effects on the brain. It causes memory loss, Alzheimer’s and so on.
I also would like to say something about sympathetic and parasympathetic nerve system. Nerve system helps us to deal with stress, and when the stressful event is gone, we reverse back. If that reverse-going process does not take place, we will always be in a stressful condition. And that in turn affects our immunity system, because, in a very stressful condition, the general normal procedure of our system or body growth will not be focused. When we are in stress, our brain helps us to focus on the stressful event in an effort to deal with it. During that time, general immune system, reproductive health, skin care and all such things don’t matter much. If I continue to be in stress, all the cells, including my immune system, my sexual desires and functions, my skin etc will get permanently damaged, because all the time my brain is exclusively focused on dealing with that particular stressful situation.
No event is stressful in itself. It all depends on how one deals with it and perceives it. As Richardson said, stress depends upon the resources that one has to deal with and the demands that are imposed on one. When I feel the demands are more than the resources, then that ends up in stress. Suppose I have to undergo surgery which costs me about one lakh rupees. I have a saving of five lakhs. There are also people to help me and also the doctor assures that it is a simple procedure. In such a scenario, I will not have any stress. On the other hand, if I don’t have the money to pay for the surgery, I will land up in stress. The surgery in itself does not cause stress. It all depends on us. That is why we are the first and foremost fundamental stressor and all other events are secondary.
What prescription do you have for handling stress?
I give ten tips which include developing hobby, sense of humour, sense of spirituality and prayer. There are so many other things, for example, talking to a trustworthy person. It may be spiritual counsellor, my own friend, family person or in married life husband and wife. Sometimes we may not be able to open up certain things to members of our own family. Then a trustworthy friend is a good help. Psychologists say that when men or women want to talk to a person who is ready to listen, they always prefer a woman companion. It could be your own sister, friend, spiritual mother or someone. So the point is to have someone with whom we can relate.
Spending a lot of time with small children and the elderly people also can relieve stress, because we can easily surprise these two sections. I always speak about people below six and above sixty; we can make those below six laugh with some gestures or magic. When they laugh, when they are happy in our presence, we feel really comfortable and have the satisfaction that we make them happy. That is happiness for us. Similarly, we can easily surprise those above sixty by talking to them about recent scientific inventions, discoveries or journals. Also listening to patients in hospitals and visiting old age homes are very helpful. When we try to make others’ life meaningful, worthwhile and joyful, and a part of it comes back to us. That is another great way of relieving stress.
Neuroscience is increasingly convinced that meditation and prayer help in many ways in dealing with pain. Usually, the pain killers like morphine can reduce only 25% pain whereas meditation can reduce pain up to 60%.
What exactly do you mean by meditation?
Meditation can be done in various ways. Either you can take a passage from the Bible, read and reflect on it, picturising that event in the mind. For example, if you take a miracle story, when you read it, if you are in the receiving position, you ask yourself if you have the same deep faith. Every miracle somehow boils down to the aspect of faith. I would say, where there is faith, even Jesus cannot say no to miracle. The incident where that woman suffering twelve years from haemorrhage was healed is a good example for it. After she is cured, Jesus becomes aware that the power from Him has gone out. Which means that lady could appropriate the miracle from Jesus even without His intention. That is the power of faith. I arrive at the conclusion that my faith is not as strong as hers and try to seek the reason for it.
What change do these meditations and yoga bring about in the person?
One way of explaining it is that it helps us to see things in a larger prospective. When we see something that happens in our life, we take it as though such things happen only to us. If I am able to distance myself and look at that event or person or circumstance as one of the many circumstances in my life, it will be easy to handle them. The pain or the joy that I can get from that is the same, but the measure by much I am affected by it can be reduced. I always give the example of making figure with small chips or small tiles. They make figures like Sacred Heart of Jesus or Mother Mary with them. If we go very close to the wall on which they are made, we only see some small piece of tiles. It is when we come away five feet to twenty feet that the whole picture emerges. So that is how this meditation enables me to have a larger perspective in life.
I will give another example. If you bring a finger close to the eyes, the whole world gets reduced to a finger for me. I can see nothing else. If I keep the finger a little away, it becomes one of many things in the room. Similarly, when we allow ourselves to be affected by an event, then again it produces stress. Meditation, Reading the Bible or prayer gives me a little bit of composed mind, reaffirmation of faith and conviction that God allows nothing that is bad for me. A larger perspective brings down stress. Also, when I look back at certain things that I considered as most frightening, they seem to have some meaning now. So, at a distance, I can see things better.
There is another example of the spectacles. Usually we give many theological and philosophical definitions for faith. But I always give this small imagery of spectacles. When we wear the spectacles, it corrects the short sight or long sight. Sometimes the eyes which are keeping things very far away bring it closer or which is very closer takes it farther away. Similarly, faith also gives us the right perspective for seeing things clearly. Faith is a gift for which we have to work hard. That’s why faith is famously defined as a gift as well as a task. Besides, I need to take care of my spectacles by wiping and keeping it safe. Also, faith needs others’ help and support. In the gospel also we find many people bringing sick people to Jesus.
How does spirituality per say help in the making of a sound, sensible and sane person?
Spirituality is different from piety or pietism, which is like just fulfilling duties as a person by going for Mass or attending sacraments etc. Spiritual person is someone who is aware of God’s presence every day and every moment of his/her life. Whatever happens s/he looks through that spiritual spectacle. That makes it easy for me to see the hand of God in every thing. The capacity of the spiritual person is to see things differently, from God’s point of view, and I am always convinced that God always gives the best to those who leave the choice to Him. If I give the choice to God, God decides. God knows what to give and what not to give.
I remember my childhood days. We were three at home, when we were small children, my mother used to divide the eatables father brought and give to all of us. I was the third and last one. My mother always gives the best piece to the eldest brother, he would purposely ask for the part that is smaller of lesser quality. I would think my brother was asking for a better part than what was offered to him. I would accept my share hesitantly. Afterwards my brother would come and make a deal with me: shall we exchange? I would say ok. I finally ended up as the loser. If I had left the choice to my mother, I would have ended up having the biggest or the tastiest part. The conviction that God always gives the best enables my spirituality to be alive in spite of all the difficulties, struggles, painful experiences or disappointments. That is true to everyone.
How do you bridge science with theological and philosophical thinking?
Youngsters today are made to believe that science can answer all questions. In fact, science does answer questions and does solve problems, but when it solves one problem it creates ten others. We cannot completely keep it away also. Some people are afraid of science. Some religious people and believers think that science will take them away from God. That’s why Emerson said that if any religion is afraid of science, that religion is committing suicide. Which means we need both science and religion. When we study the world of biology more and more, you realize that it can’t explain what life really is. Usually it gives only the manifestations of life. If a being is moving, eating, reproducing, or making noise, then we know that that being is living. But the point is that all those actions are only manifestations of life, they cannot be equated with life. So, what is life? Where does it reside in the body? Is it in the brain or bone or heart or chromosomes or genes or DNA? Science is not able to locate it. But we all know what life is, because we have been experiencing it. Also we know the difference between living being and nonliving beings.
In the book of Genesis we read God made the first man, Adam, with clay and finally He breathed His Spirit into the nostrils. That is exactly the difference between living beings and other things. Of course, the Genesis account is very poetic and metaphorical, but what it conveys is true. From the way it conveys and the language it uses we realise God gives life. As long as we cannot understand God, we cannot understand what life is. No matter how much science develops, may be after five hundred years or even later, man will not be able to understand what life is, because, in my opinion, God is the author of life. As long as we cannot define God, we cannot define life also.
During your many years of teaching, what feedback have you got for your stress management tips and methods?
Our students here, as long as they are in the safe and secure environment with their programs systematically scheduled and delivered, they know they have to study and get good marks. Since they do not have many pulls and pressures in their life, they may not appreciate the stress management lessons much. But people in the parishes and students in the colleges really appreciate it. I receive good response to the videos I share on You Tube. Lay people seem to appreciate them, because they are in the midst of the struggles of life. I also give sessions on humour. Humour is one of the ways to deal with stress. As a child we all have a sense of humour. A child can easily laugh. They say a child laughs three hundred times a day. But as we grow up, because of various problems, difficulties and responsibilities, laughter reduces and sometimes we reach the unfortunate situation where we forget to laugh. Again, the ability to distance oneself from what is happening can also help one to laugh. Whatever be the religion or the idea of God people may have, they want to grow in spirituality to deal with stress.
sjayard@gmail.com
