P.A. Chacko, SJ

Catholic religious life is not a street theatrical. Those who opt to belong to a religious order or a congregation are expected to do so willingly, with full consent and willful determination. It is an adult choice. Hence, it is not a child’s play.

Men and women, who wish to join a religious congregation or order, do so with full freedom. Not because one’s grandma had a vow to offer one of her grandchildren as a priest or as a nun. Nor because an aspirant felt that the greenery of the religious meadow across the border looked fascinating and tempting. Nor because one felt oppressed as a marriageable daughter due to the nagging and behind the mural murmuring of the parents who had a couple of adult unmarried daughters. If ever one gets tempted to withdraw into the religious life, compelled by such temporal motivations, one is sure to find even religious life equally oppressive or suffocating. The green meadow for a time will look refreshing. But, after a time, it may look ordinary and one may have to look for a flowery patch in human circles or in extra-territorial loyalties.

Such examples are not the figment of my imagination. In my fifty years of religious life, I have come across men and women, young and old, who live with mental and psychological crutches. Some like that their life be cushioned with expected replies or responses from their superiors. Some look for a grandma or a grandpa in their superior, and when that does not materialize, their world goes haywire.

A young man, who joined an apostolic school, could not restrain his urge to smoke beedi and would cater to his urge in the confines of the latrine. When caught red-handed, he was told to pull up the socks or leave for good. There was this nun who had a devotion to her mother and looked on her father as a strict disciplinarian. When mother passed away, she joined a congregation and sought a replacement by looking for an older nun to grab her ‘maternal affection’ by adopting leech like clinging. It doesn’t matter if person was a principal or a doctor. That was where she came across conflicting situations and confronting problems from her superior and even the Provincial. In her dissatisfaction, she often sought transfers thinking that the meadow across was greener. When the superior could not stomach her tantrums and theatricals, she wanted to send the concerned sister for counseling. But, then, the superior was told by that sister that the problem was with the superior and not her.

There are religious members who get suffocated and believe that such a way of life is not theirs even at this late hour. But, then, there is an anxiety coupled with fear that, if they leave, they might be dubbed as ‘fence jumpers,’ or it may be too late to get a partner for the family way.

Then, there is another side to the religious life. It has its own compulsions because it has to follow a path laid out by its religious founder. The rules and regulations of the order or the congregation are there to be followed by the members. Just because one hailed from a rich or influential family or a family of bishops and priests, one should not look for special attention or privileges. In the alternative, if the superior of the community or some members were to accord preferential treatment so such individuals, such behaviour will breed jealousy, backbiting and rumors.

People with mixed motivation on joining the congregation or even people with genuine motivation can feel sometimes that they are like rolling stones coming across boulders and granites instead of a soft sandy stretch. That is where one’s spirituality should come in handy. I should be able to weigh the pros and cons of my troubles and even grievances before the crucified Lord or in the silence of the Eucharistic presence. Much of my frayed feelings will get straightened there. The Lord may even tell me, go and meet the superior and talk it out. If that does not solve the issue, represent the matter to the higher superior. Or, he may tell me, have courage son/daughter, this is not your cup of tea. You need a family way; you need a professional career outside, these walls where you can enjoy contentment or you can have your own bank account or the freedom you seek. Fair enough. The Lord is the best counsellor. But, then, I should be honest to share with this counsellor by not keeping hidden some of my pet likes or bias.

One thing should be sure. I am not there in the religious order as an individual to re-write the congregations’ rules and regulations according to my choice and preferences. Nor should I take to the streets and spilt the beans before the news-mongering and agenda-based channels by airing my anger and agony, my anxiety and suffocation.

If I am honest with myself as a religious, I should learn to agree to disagree with the decency of a respected lady or a courteous gentleman and say good bye to that path which now I don’t find meaningful. That is basic honesty and clean decency.

But, instead, I show my stubbornness in being in and orchestrate my problems and issues with help of persons and organizations who are out there. How long will I bask in the sunshine of instant glory under the glare of TV channels and social media?

The recent incidents in Kerala are a pointer. Granted that the nuns who had problems with their religious superiors or patrons, the platform they choose to air their grievances do not look an appropriate one. If they could not sort out their grievances within the given structure of their religious precincts, and, if they had come to a suffocation point, they should have said good bye to their discontented and meaningless religious life and be happy ever after. No use kicking against the wall even if that kick is strengthened by individuals, NGOs, and political factions who are out there ever ready to fish in troubled waters.

The nuns who refuse to obey their Provincial’s transfer order or the nun who wants to have a private car with the excuse that priests and bishops travel in private vehicles, do not demonstrate mature wisdom. Harboring an alternate opinion is good especially when it is bolstered by reason, logic and wisdom. But when a personal wish militates against reason and logic and religious rules and regulations, one is bound to face a serpentine path overlooking a precipice. Let us not make our religious life a street theatrical, whatever is the compulsion!