Dr George John
(Dr George John MBBS FRCPsych FLS,
Emeritus Consultant Psychiatrist (Retired)

One of the hardest things in life is, knowing when to stop and quit. Earlier this year, in a characteristically graceful speech, New Zealand’s Prime Minister, Jacinda Arden, declared that after five and a half gruelling years (including the Covid year of 2020) at her country’s top job, she no longer had “enough in the tank to do it justice”. That showed amazing insightfulness. She was not quitting because the job was too hard. Leadership is about giving it everything you got for as long as possible. Knowing when one’s time is up requires a full tank of emotional intelligence so that one jumps at the right time rather than waiting to be pushed. That will make a person the rarest of unicorns in any walk of life because wise and timely decisions about when to quit are not as common as they should be.
Ms Arden’s decision helps us to compare and contrast her decision with almost all others in contemporary leadership roles in any walk of life, some of whom stubbornly cling on even when they are irrevocably stained and are finally forced to resign grudgingly. Whilst steadfastly pursuing goals, our endeavours will encounter a point where we must assess whether to persevere or bow out gracefully. An intricate interplay between determination and pragmatism governs that decision-making. Quitting can become a double-edged sword where on one hand, perseverance is lauded as a virtue and a symbol of strength and resilience. But on the other hand, persisting in the face of insurmountable odds can lead to detrimental outcomes. The tendency to continue investing in a venture due to prior investment in it rather than an objective assessment has the potential to perpetuate a cycle of failure. Conversely, quitting at the right juncture demonstrate emotional intelligence and self-awareness. Recognising when a goal is unattainable and detrimental to mental well-being is a sign of maturity rather than defeat. At its best, Quitting is a strategic retreat to regroup and finely realign goals by fostering resilience and adaptability as its tools.
Philosophically speaking, the decision to quit is closely associated with notions of wisdom and virtue. You don’t need a new year or a new day to start over. You only need a new mindset. Seneca, the reputed stoic philosopher of antiquity, wrote, “There is no shame in rethinking a decision… as long as it is deliberate and based on rational reflection”. The balance between tenacity and wisdom should always be carefully explored. Jean-Paul Sartre, the celebrated existentialist philosopher of the 20th Century, emphasised individual freedom and responsibility and posited that an authentic existence always involves recognising the limits of our endeavours and making decisions that reflect our true essence as a person. That way, quitting becomes an assertion of one’s autonomy rather than an admission of failure.
There is more than a subtle difference between giving up out of disappointment and frustration and knowing when you have had enough. The latter enshrines wisdom, and being able to walk away at the right time with your head held high has dignity, and it also takes courage. Only winners know when to quit correctly when they not only do the right thing but also do things right. Being empathic is one of the ways of doing it, and it is worth remembering that empathy is not a weakness. Instead, it’s a strength. Knowing when to quit, change direction or give up something when it isn’t working and move on is an important life skill. In the quest for an endlessly productive journey through life, there will always have to be growth, improvement and diversity. Even in adverse circumstances, you will just have to take it all in and still do what is right, continue to grow and live in the moment. Success is dynamic; successful people don’t hesitate to keep moving. Even when all the power in the universe is within us, some of us sometimes close our eyes and lament that it is dark outside.
In the realm of law, however, contractual obligations and commitments must also be considered when deciding to quit. Whether it is in business or personal matters, contracts often bind individuals to abide by specific terms. Nevertheless, termination provisions are also often incorporated in legal frameworks, which reflect the understanding that circumstances can change and commitments, therefore, need to be adaptable.
When quitting we should consult our hopes and dreams and not our fears. When deciding to quit, it is better that we think less about our frustrations and more about our still unfulfilled potential. That means we should concern ourselves not with what we have tried and failed but with what is still possible. If we change how we look at things, the things we look at will also change. The celebrated former Indian President, the late APJ Abdul Kalam, said: “You have to dream before your dreams can come true”. Success is not always about greatness. It is about consistency. Consistent hard work leads to success. Greatness comes to some people later. But it is also true that it is often tough to tell if you are being tested to see how long you can hold on. Trying once more is often a sure way to succeed in certain circumstances. If you don’t run the day, the day will run you because the limits of what is possible will only become defined when one goes beyond what is possible. “If you are going through hell, keep going,” said Winston Churchill. The issue is often about consistency. Only consistent hard work can lead to success.
In several spiritual traditions, contemplations on when to quit take on a nuanced significance. Knowing when to quit can embody spiritual growth because it reflects the ability to relinquish the desire for external validation and instead focus on inner fulfilment. Eastern philosophies, in particular, highlight the idea of impermanence by acknowledging the transitory nature of life’s pursuits and imploring their followers to make the decision to quit without harbouring feelings of regret or failure.
Psychological dimensions of knowing when to stop are really about understanding the intricacies of ego, identity and cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance happens when one experiences discomfort and unease by holding conflicting beliefs and attitudes, which can play a role in the decision to quit. Recognising when to stop becomes an act of self-preservation, allowing the individual to maintain psychological congruence and reduce the dissonance between aspirations and reality.
Modern societal values place a disproportionate emphasis on relentless pursuits, perpetuating the notion that quitting equates to failure. But determining when to stop requires a pragmatic evaluation of success versus risks and objectively calculating the costs and benefits of quitting, allowing the person to make informed choices. The business world offers countless examples of companies pivoting or discounting projects when they no longer align with strategic goals.
To quit gracefully, first know why you want to quit. Whilst choosing your words carefully as to the reasons to quit, showing gratitude for the privilege of having had the opportunity to do what you did will help one remain connected with friends and colleagues. It is time to let go when your needs aren’t any longer being met or when there is unremitting, unresolvable conflict. Remember that while today is hard, tomorrow could be worse, but the day after could be sunshine. Incredible changes can happen when one decides to control what they have power over instead of craving control over what they don’t. Undoubtedly, perseverance is the key to success, as it’s often the last key in the bunch that opens the lock.
A holistic approach to understanding when to stop and quit, demands a balanced consideration of the decision’s philosophical, psychological, spiritual and practical dimensions. To navigate that complex decision-making process, it is essential first to cultivate self-awareness and discernment. Introspective practices like mindfulness and journaling can facilitate clarity of thoughts. There is no doubt that regular introspection helps to stay attuned to evolving aspirations and gives an understanding of when a particular pursuit has run its course. Seeking guidance from trusted mentors can provide valuable external independent viewpoints to enrich decision-making.
The act of knowing when to stop and quit is a multi-layered exploration that extends beyond the confines of mere practicality, and ultimately the decision to quit is a testament to one’s growth, resilience, adaptability and in the pursuit to be authentically true to oneself.

• docgjohn@aol.com