I was on a Sabbatical in America in July 2016. I re- turned to India in May 2017 to prepare for the Fellowship of Indian Missiologists (FOIM) Research Conference cum Seminar, to be held at Nadiad in Gujarat; from 24th to 27th Oct 2017. I am the President and it was the Silver Jubilee of FOIM. Having worked hard, I had completed my paper to be presented at the Conference. The FOIM book series which is published every two years was awaiting its release on 24th Oct. Souvenirs for the Jubilee, the special Prayer Service, the Welcome Note, even tickets to Gujarat and America were booked as I was to return to America on 3rd Jan 2018. My small suitcase to Nadiad too was packed. However, God’s Ways are NOT our Ways. S/He had a bigger and better plan and purpose for me.

I was to leave for Gujarat on 22nd Oct. 2017. On 18th October evening I was de- tected for breast cancer – a Spiritual gift for Diwali. My spontaneous response was one of excitement. My visa to heaven had arrived.

Illness means uncertainty. One never knows the complications that can arise. An incision with the doctors operating knife can end up in infinite infections, not ruling out errors made by surgeons who are also human. It is a time for soaking in the only certainty on earth i.e. God’s love. I had a mastectomy on 27th Oct. 2017. It was pain- less. No hassles. On 27th Nov. a port (a small gadget) was inserted into my body. My helplessness made me like a little child to trust the Mother/Father God and oth- ers totally. I know you are at work deepening my ability in Trust and Dependency.

Leather strips with metal hooks attached, scooping out tiny pieces of flesh from your tender body and blood oozing all over. I am a foodie and a glutton and love tasty food. But I experience helplessness when I lose my appetite after the chemos, and feel lifeless because of the antibiotics I have to take due to the port. I feel hungry and weak and long to eat but cannot; and when I do, I throw it all up. This has helped me to become gentler with myself and oth- ers, make more adjustments in community living and bond better with all.

I have always been afraid of injections and fainted on seeing blood. I did not become a medical doctor or nurse, even though I was good in Mathematics and Science, be- cause I could not even think of poking anybody with a needle or witness blood. How was I to cope with all the needles pricking into my flesh before, during and after the chemos? Installing a port in my body was God’s solution, made possible through my doctors. But every time the needle had to be used for the blood tests, injections, port etc. I remember the huge crown of thorns being pierced into the sensitive skull of Jesus.

To be a Christian and a true disciple of Jesus means to accept the cross willingly, joyfully and to carry it like the Master did. Accepting my illness as a spiritual gift from God was my biggest grace. I wrote an article entitled, “Cancer a huge spiritual gift” on the morning of my biopsy.

It makes us more mature and helps us to discern be- tween the essentials and non- essentials of life. Illness, suf- fering and pain help us to enter more fully into the mystery of the death and resurrection of Christ. We begin to taste in our flesh at least a miniscule (symbolically) of the offering Jesus made of Himself to the Father for the salvation of all. Thank you Jesus for the lesson in Transformation and New Life.

Reacquired health or re- stored back to good health is a sign of something more precious than mere physical healing, it is a sign of salvation that God gives us through His son Jesus. Physical healing is an outward expression of the deepest salvation. It reveals the importance God has for humankind in his/her entirety of soul and body. Rejoice with me, because my illness has helped me understand the Sorrowful Mysteries a little better.

Dr (Sr) Mudita Menona Sodder RSCJ,

Sophia College, Mumbai