Al-Nicky
Oh dear! How curious and excited were I to grow up and be an adult. How long did I wait to be an elder and deal things on my own like a boss. Always craved for the youth. And trust me! It’s beautiful and painful in it’s own way. Well to pen it all down, I can’t really put my words in order either. Can’t even decide between words. Lol! Like someone said, day by day torn between “if it’s meant to be, it will be “ and “ Go for it, if you really want it”, it’s just complicated. From waking up each day questioning your life, relations and goals to sleeping with a heap of messed thoughts, I came to an accordance with the idea that the show must go on.
Life was all happy smiles when I was innocent enough to think that the trees, houses and street lights are all following me as I travelled. And about scars and hurt, I would say my bleeding knees and those scars didn’t hurt much back then when I was a kid on comparing. It with the real hurt and scars not physically though. It takes a lot to give your best as a Daughter, Sister, Best Friend, and a Teacher and maybe a partner and a mother in future.
What if I fail on living upto those standards expected? What if it doesn’t end up anywhere near my dreams and hopes? What if I forget humming n singing one day? What if I stop being that sole reason of smiles for some? What if I fall down? And here goes my scattered thoughts….
But what exactly is that one thing my inner self wants? What am I missing? Will I ever join those missing dots? Will I still be curious about clouds, moon & sea? Well, I should be
Somewhere in my inner heart I know for real that, the future me will all be composed, calm and proud about the self healing & self dealing.
Then there’s this ray of hope that it will all get sorted some day. To be true, a part of me can’t wait see the next best me I should enjoy those little things in life like I always used to be. A stranger’s smile, a surprise visit from friends, a long text from those special ones, family’s laughter, curious little student faces, church choir, blue skies, rainy nights, sunsets and beaches and a long drive with my favorite songs, and many more. And then, everything else will fall in place I hope.
Being blessed to have some pure souls who have got my back even if I fall down solves a lot of me. Just growing stronger and wiser in one or the other way with them.
