- Jacob Chanikuzhy
Antiques are treasured by people with an aesthetic sense. But everyone would agree that the most valuable antiques are dear old friends. Even Thomas Aquinas, the great saint, philosopher, and theologian, stated that there is nothing on this earth more precious than true friendship. Friends are helpful in many ways because “a true friend hears even what is left unsaid.” A close friend understands not only the words spoken but also the words one hesitated to speak, along with all the feelings and emotions behind them. No wonder Seneca said this about friendship: “One of the most beautiful qualities of friendship is to understand and to be understood.” Poor Job! In his troubles, this is exactly what he missed, like many of us—a friend who understood him.
When his “wise” friend Eliphaz waited a full week before speaking to Job and patiently listened to everything Job wanted to say without interrupting him, Job must have thought that in Eliphaz he had found a true friend who understood him. But what Eliphaz mostly did was try to convince Job that he must have sinned in some way to deserve such overwhelming punishment from a just God.
Job felt thoroughly misunderstood and disappointed. Perhaps the dry ethical and theological response of his close friend was more painful than his physical suffering. Still, Job mustered the strength to respond to Eliphaz. Implicitly acknowledging his sinfulness, Job asks that his iniquities be weighed against his sufferings to see whether his suffering is equal to his sins. Job is certain that his misery far outweighs his sins. He knows that he was desperate in his present situation and had spoken in anger. But he reminds his friend that his harsh words should not be judged merely at face value, but understood as the utterances of a person going through excruciating pain. It is easy to be appalled or even offended by the insensitive, imprudent, impious, and impolite words of a helpless victim. Through Job, we are advised not to judge others merely by what they say, but also by why they say it.
As a deeply religious person, Job knows that one has to face troubles with unswerving trust and perseverance. But he has reached his limits. He is a man of flesh and blood, not one made of stone and bronze. One cannot always maintain stoic indifference toward one’s own suffering. Job laments that his friends and relatives are of no use in his time of suffering. We consider our family and friends a source of security and support in times of need. But Job compares them to dry wadis that fail to supply water to the thirsty.
He even questions the piety of his friends. By being unkind to a suffering person, they prove themselves lacking in true devotion to God. As Job understands it, kindness is the very warp and woof of devotion to God. Instead of comforting Job with kind words, they add insult to injury by judging him to be a sinner. Job suspects that his friends hesitate to visit him because they are afraid he might ask for financial help. Normally, true friends help in whatever way they can, even without being asked. Yet it is not uncommon for some friends to disappear when we are in trouble.
Imagine the plight of the righteous Job. He laments that his body is covered with dirt and worms, and that his torn skin oozes pus continually. In ordinary human life, restful sleep compensates for a stressful day. But for Job, the night is more terrifying than the day. Sleep evades him. In those brief moments when he falls asleep from extreme exhaustion, he is tormented by nightmares. His nights are so dreadful that he would rather suffer in daylight. Job ends his lament just as he began it—implicitly admitting his sinfulness. However, this time he asks why God cannot forgive him even if he is a sinner. Job is devastated by the feeling of being constantly haunted and afflicted by God. He questions why a frail and insignificant human being should become the target of such intense and overwhelming divine punishment.
Job’s response to the wise advice of Eliphaz makes it crystal clear that, most of the time, what a suffering person expects from others is not philosophical or theological jargon, but a compassionate and understanding heart and a nonjudgmental presence.
