- Fr. Dr. Joseph Manavalan
Generally, the definition of spirituality is related to the church, piety and rituals. Therefore, priests, religious and ascetics, those who practice celibacy, and those who live in contact with the holy places are considered spiritual people.
However, what about marriage, an important and a parallel calling or vocation from God? Does it have a unique spirituality as opposed to other vocations in the Church? The reality is that marriage is not often seen as a spiritual path as much as celibate life. Therefore, if we compare married people with those who lead consecrated life, the consecrated are considered superior in terms of spirituality and the married are second class. In this context, some questions are relevant. Is it possible to proclaim faith within the framework of marriage? Similarly, is there a unique spirituality in marriage which helps the two individuals to make their marital journey graceful? The answer is certainly ‘yes’; and it is called marital spirituality.
Why marital spirituality?
First and foremost, the answer to why couples should have a unique spirituality is because marriage is God’s idea. It is God’s decision that lonely Adam needs a companion (basherth). In fact, beyond certain indications, Bible does not present monasticism or celibacy as a life situation for his created human beings. Instead, Bible sees marriage, which is a relationship between a man and a woman, as a blessing for humans (Genesis 1:27-28). This means that marital spirituality is not about isolation or loneliness; it is about being together. This is where marital spirituality should be different and unique from monastic spirituality. Man and woman being together is the fundamental characteristic of marital spirituality.
Secondly, marriage as a sacrament implies the presence of God. The very divine presence of God in marriage as in other sacraments proposes that marriage is also spiritual and so is endowed with a unique spirituality (Matt 18:19-20). And this spirituality is an awareness of God’s presence in a behaviour that reflects His unconditional love in the daily lives of the couple.
Third, like priesthood and religious life marriage is a vocation. The goal of all vocations is sanctification and the proclamation of the Kingdom of God. This goal must be achieved through a spirituality appropriate and unique to each state of life. If the couple lives a monastic spirituality, it is counter-evidence to their vocation proper.
What is Marital spirituality?
Marital spirituality becomes unique when it goes hand in hand with the goals of marriage. Marriage and family are the goals of marital spirituality. Marital spirituality should foster both these goals. In this context, two things can be considered the basis of marital spirituality. First, the partners fulfil their emotional needs for each other; second, whatever the couple do together for the growth of their marriage is marital spirituality. In short marital spirituality is the holiness of loving on a daily basis and the ability to love is a grace from God.
Some examples of marital spirituality:
Supporting the spouse by affirming, encouraging, and appreciating; forgiving and accepting flaws and weaknesses; expressing love for each other; open communication, listening; quality time together, sharing chores and tasks; showing love through gifts and service; praying together; traveling together etc.
Benefits of marital spirituality
1. If marital spirituality is practiced there can be shift in the traditional concept of spirituality as merely detachment and renunciation. As a result, being playful, fun-loving, expressing love can be normal and bring new vibe to every homes.
2. The emotional needs of individuals will be respected. This can lead to a healthy and proper growth of individuals.
3. The presence of God can be experienced in the day-to-day life situations
4. There will be an experience of the family becoming a domestic church
The idea that spirituality is renunciation and detachment is an obstacle to the idea of marital spirituality. Some spiritual movements still nurture this idea. Couples who embrace this idea tend to prioritize detachment and piety over their actualization of mutual emotional needs. However, more than the priests and religious it is the married couples themselves who have to propose and promote the meaning of marital spirituality in the Church. The Church has the responsibility to train our couples to live and proclaim marital spirituality over ascetic spirituality.
