Bewilderment or confusion will appear on the faces of a couple when you ask why they got married. Most people give the reasons as tradition, societal norm, loneliness etc. The Bible teaches clearly that marriage is for procreation (Gen 1:27-28) and for companionship (Gen 2:18-25). However, procreation and parenting are not a permanent task for the couple but companionship. God wants the couples to be suitable partners or perfect friends forever.
On observing the nature of the mutual relationship of the couples, some are found to be like master and servant; owner and object; superior and inferior. In these types of marital relationships, there is less scope for the individuals to grow and bloom in marriage. In the plan of God, marriage is for personal growth; and for healing and companionship or friendship.
Relationship experts say that happy marriages are based on deep friendship. Friendship is actually at the core of a strong marriage, and if there’s a high-quality friendship in a marriage there is likely to be a high level of romantic and physical satisfaction. While passion and attraction may initially bring couples together, it is the friendship between partners that sustains a marriage over time.
The advantage of friendship in marriage is that it acts as a cornerstone, fostering intimacy, emotional resilience, and long-term satisfaction. The foundation of a healthy marriage is emotional intimacy, and friendship nurtures it. For instance, in friendship partners feel safe and understood when they can share their deepest thoughts and vulnerabilities without fear of judgment. In the same vein, a strong friendship fosters open communication, allowing friends to connect on a deeper level. If the couples foster friendship in their marriage, this emotional closeness creates a safe haven where both partners feel valued and supported. In short, couples who prioritize their friendship are more likely to weather challenges together and enjoy a relationship rooted in mutual respect and understanding.
Why do the couples miss out the friendship element in marriage but seek it outside marriage? Primary reason for it may be that they give more importance to children and career than the partner. Another reason could be the incompatibility between the partners and the lack of common interests.
Remedies could be work on the little things that count – the small, everyday points of connection that bring them together and, over time, weave themselves into the very fabric of their marriage.
- Communicate openly: Talk about your day, feelings, fears, and dreams. Schedule “no distractions” time, even for just 10 minutes, to connect without the interference of phones or TV.
- Share hobbies and interests: Find common activities that you both enjoy, like cooking, gardening, or hiking, and engage in them together.
- Create shared experiences: Try new things together, whether it’s a new restaurant, a class, or a weekend trip. The planning and experience can strengthen your bond.
- Be present: Put away your phone and be fully engaged with each other when you are together. Show your appreciation through small gestures, like a hug or a thoughtful compliment.
- Be a team: Support your partner’s interests and aspirations, even if they are different from your own. Show that you are on their team and celebrate their successes.
- Respect boundaries: Boundaries create spaces. Couples have three spaces as boundaries – individual space, couple space and common space. Each space has to be respected and maintained. Encroachment can spoil friendship.
Times change rapidly and marriages too. The traditional concept of marriage was derived from the perspective of patriarchy. The contemporary world proclaims equality and mutual respect. Here, for marriages to last a remedy is certainly the friendship between husband and wife.
- (Courtesy: Grace Ripple Training, Family Apostolate Centre, Ernakulam, Kerala, Contact – 9446559366)
