- Fr Charles Thettayil
Assistant Director, Family Apostolate Centre Ernakulam
The second Vatican Council was a new way of the Church’s response to the modern world. The post-conciliar period, globally aroused new energy and interest among the faithful as well as the clergy. Many were determined to reorganize and renew the local Church as per the norms set by the Council. One among them was late Cardinal Joseph Parecattil, the Archbishop of Ernakulam, Kerala, a true visionary, pioneer and leader. Inspired by the progressive stance of the Council, in 1976, he founded the Family Apostolate Centre Ernakulam (FACE). Today, this Centre enters into its Golden Jubilee year (1976-2026), fulfilling the vision of its founder with a wide range of programs for all sections of the family, starting from marriage preparation, marriage enrichment, widows’ enrichment to ministry for teens and couples. For awareness and appraisal, it is worth mentioning some of the accompaniment and formative programs of FACE.
Preparation for marriage, the primary step
Reading the signs of the times, FACE initiated Marriage Preparation Course for the youth in 1980. It was the beginning of a new formative program for marriage in the Kerala Church, which later spread to all other dioceses. For the last forty-five years this centre has prepared innumerable number of youngsters for marriage. Today, this Centre accounts for the greatest number of marriage preparation courses per month, a minimum of four.
Marriages built on rocky foundations
It is seen that the preoccupation of the candidates before marriage is wedding (ceremony) than marriage (life). They spend enough and more time, resources and energy planning and preparing for wedding, but minimum for marriage as such. It has adverse impact on their marriage. A successful marriage demands not only preparation but also follow ups. Therefore, a key focus of the Family Apostolate Ernakulam is on marriage enrichment programs.
Many were determined to reorganize and renew the local Church as per the norms set by the Council. One among them was late Cardinal Joseph Parecattil, the Archbishop of Ernakulam, Kerala, a true visionary, pioneer and leader. Inspired by the progressive stance of the Council, in 1976, he founded the Family Apostolate Centre Ernakulam (FACE). Today, this Centre enters into its Golden Jubilee year (1976-2026), fulfilling the vision of its founder with a wide range of programs for all sections of the family, starting from marriage preparation, marriage enrichment, widows’ enrichment to ministry for teens and couples.
Concept change: ‘Marriage and family, are they the same or different? Marriage enrichment begins from change of certain concepts. Marriage (not wedding) implies the life between a husband and a wife, whereas family, involving children and parents, is a broader social unit of kinship, emotional connection, and shared purpose.
In our cultural context people consider them as one or highlight family as the ultimate end. The consequence is that marriage in which the husband and the wife who share their life and space is ignored or reduced merely to their sexual life. Hence, family is given primary importance at the cost of marriage, creating emotional dissatisfaction and frustration. People enter into marriage to enjoy parenting rather than becoming suitable partners or companions, which was not the ultimate purpose of marriage. Though in Genesis 1:27-28, procreation was the end of marriage, Gen 2:18-25 highlights the aspect of companionship over procreation as the end of marriage.
Reduced couple intimacy, lack of friendship and open communication, incompatibility, increased work pressure, stress and whole lot of other complex problems among the couples can transform the sacred space of family into a war zone. Children have to bear the consequences of these precarious situations. Some children release their frustrations in drugs and substances, others fall prey to improper relationships eroding their self-esteem, draining their energy and leaving them feel anxious or unhappy.
A remedy that the Church can design for our couples is to train the couples to increase their marriage relationship qualities (MRQ). Family Apostolate Centre of the Archdiocese of Ernakulam-Angamaly has designed such a training program for the married couples, popularly known as Grace Ripples (GR).
Grace Ripple Couple Training Program
It is a psycho-spiritual couple training program that helps couples to live their marriage joyfully by improving their communication and relationship skills. The term ‘Grace’ signifies the sacramental grace of Holy Matrimony; and ‘ripple’ (waves) is the impact that the couple make in their life situations by living the marriage faithfully and joyfully.
Reduced couple intimacy, lack of friendship and open communication, incompatibility, increased work pressure, stress and whole lot of other complex problems among the couples can transform the sacred space of family into a war zone. Children have to bear the consequences of these precarious situations. Some children release their frustrations in drugs and substances, others fall prey to improper relationships eroding their self-esteem, draining their energy and leaving them feel anxious or unhappy.
Grace Ripple training program was begun in 2012. It is a parish based 30-months program wherein 7-12 couples, below the age of 60 years, of the same parish as a batch, gather together once in a month for one and half hour, under a mentor couple, to discuss a topic related to their marital relationship. The thirty topics range from love, space, relationship skills, concepts, attitudes, marital spirituality, career-family balancing to financial planning. Each couple share their experience from life and take a common decision for the month to practice. The following month when the batch gather, each couple have to testify the improvement or effect the topic has made in their marriage.
The effectiveness of the training program is that many couples could at least rectify their mistakes and improve their intimacy and live their marriage as a divine vocation. Anecdotes and stories are galore from the beneficiaries of this training as they experienced the accompaniment of the Church in their marriage. However, what is sublime about it is their realization that ‘if marriage is properly cared and nourished it becomes a blessing from the Creator’.
Missionary Couples of Christ (MCC): The ministry of Couples for Couples
The founding of a ministry for couples, known as Missionary Couples of Christ (MCC) was oriented to realize the objective of couples themselves training other couples. MCC is a fellowship of trained couples who are exemplary in their marital relationship with moral integrity, and have the will to sacrifice part of their time and resources for the training of other couples and live and proclaim their marriage as a sacrament of love.
Grace Ripple training program was begun in 2012. It is a parish based 30-months program wherein 7-12 couples, below the age of 60 years, of the same parish as a batch, gather together once in a month for one and half hour, under a mentor couple, to discuss a topic related to their marital relationship. The thirty topics range from love, space, relationship skills, concepts, attitudes, marital spirituality, career-family balancing to financial planning. Each couple share their experience from life and take a common decision for the month to practice. The following month when the batch gather, each couple have to testify the improvement or effect the topic has made in their marriage.
Couple Ministry is a new mode of pastoral involvement or synodality whereby, priests, religious collaborating with the lay faithful spread the gospel of hope and healing to the families. Trained married couples preparing the young for marriage, visiting the broken families, fixing and mending relationship issues of couples through counselling, classes, listening etc., is a great service in the parish. This is also actualization of the call of Amoris Laetitia. Involve married couples in the pastoral family care of the diocese (cf. AL 86-88), and in the formation of pastoral workers, seminarians, and priests, so that they may fruitfully collaborate with families and live up to the challenges of today’s world (cf. AL 202-ff.). Every diocese should seriously contemplate the possibility of initiating such ministry whereby the quality of marriage is improved and training for the couples are provided. It also promotes the married couples as co-shepherds in the Church.
Today, committed couples in Missionary Couples of Christ numbers hundred and eighty, rendering marriage enrichment care to thousands of couples and families in the archdiocese. They are a force to reckon with as they make the Family Apostolate ministry vibrant and effective.
Judith Forum: Leading widows from Grief to Growth
Another significant ministry the FACE undertakes is the ministry for widows, Judith Forum. Founded in 2015, it helps widows to tide over the stage of grief to growth. The social stigma associated with widowhood is a curse as it encroaches into the emotional and individual space of the widow. Train them and listen to them; it is empowerment. Thousands of women benefit from the empowerment programs of Judith Forum. Smiling and making the weeping smile springs from the very mission of Christ.
Couple Ministry is a new mode of pastoral involvement or synodality whereby, priests, religious collaborating with the lay faithful spread the gospel of hope and healing to the families. Trained married couples preparing the young for marriage, visiting the broken families, fixing and mending relationship issues of couples through counselling, classes, listening etc., is a great service in the parish. This is also actualization of the call of Amoris Laetitia. Involve married couples in the pastoral family care of the diocese (cf. AL 86-88), and in the formation of pastoral workers, seminarians, and priests, so that they may fruitfully collaborate with families and live up to the challenges of today’s world (cf. AL 202-ff.).
Retreats, a way of home coming
Organizing and conducting retreats for different groups in the family is also Family Apostolate ministry. FACE conducts weekend retreats for couples, widows, pregnant couples, family, parents, and teens. The participants’ number is limited to below fifty, so that better care and attention can be given. The subjects are psycho-spiritual in nature. These retreats have helped many to rekindle the flame of lost love, hope and purpose.
Let Us be Ministers for the Family
The contemporary world demands the active involvement of the Church in the affairs of the family. Let the Church be known for her mentoring of families through her accompaniment and right formation. A healthy generation imbued with the personality and goodness of Jesus should be the objective of the Church.
