Question: Paul Valiathoppil

Speaking to the other is a form of prayer. How is speaking related to prayer?
How is prayer not an empty language?

Answer: Jacob Parappally MSFS

In a wider sense any conversation with the other can be considered a prayer provided it builds up relationship between persons. When one speaks with another from the heart with openness and sincerity and the other one listens, it cannot but be a prayer. However, speaking with the Ultimate Other or God is generally considered prayer in the strict sense of the term. In speaking with God from the heart with trust and reverence makes humans more unfolded as humans. It makes their speaking with other humans a continuation of their speaking with God at another level. Speaking with the other becomes a prayer only when it leads to communion based on equality, love, justice and fellowship.

St Paul reminds us that the words we utter must have certain qualities. They are to be words that build up human relationships and communities. Our words should not destroy communion among people and thus grieve the Holy Spirit, the Lord of communion. St Paul says, “Therefore, putting away falsehood, let everyone speak the truth with his neighbour, for we are members one of another….Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for edifying, as fits the occasion, that it may impart grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, in whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamour and slander be put away from you, with all malice, and be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:25, 29-32). It is in love and communion human speaking becomes a prayer.

Speaking and Prayer
Almost all mystics, saints and spiritual masters affirm that prayer is a conversation or speaking with God. However, the Bible does not use the term prayer as conversation with God. Instead it uses the following expressions like praise, lament, thanksgiving, confession, and petition. However, a lot of conversations takes place between God and His chosen ones. Abraham speaks with God like a friend almost bargaining with God to prevent the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah (Genesis 18:16-33). Moses speaks with God several times and so too, all the prophets of the Old Testament. In the New Testament we find Jesus speaking with his Father (Mark 14:36; John12:28 etc.). Paul speaks about his conversation with God during his encounter with the risen Lord on the road to Damascus (Acts 9:3-6), his dialogue with God concerning his experience of ‘a thorn in the flesh’ (2 Corinthians 12:8-9) as well as his talk with the Lord about leaving Jerusalem (Acts 22:17-22).

One talks to God trusting that the Other listens and responds. It is the pouring out of one’s heart before a loving God who listens and understands more than any human being and assures strength and support in all situations of one’s life. It is not the use of many words in one’s prayer that matter but the attitude of docility to the Spirit of God that makes one surrender to God, come what may. Probably, for this reason Jesus says, “But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you. ‘And in praying do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do; for they think that they will be heard for their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him’” (Matthew 6:6-8).

It is important that when one speaks with God one has to enter into his or her interiority or into “the cave of one’s heart” where one encounters God. External expression of prayer through praise, thanksgiving, adoration and petitions must lead one to a deeper experience of communion with God in silence. It may appear as a paradox that with regard to prayer when one enters into silence, even in silence there are words or speaking! The heart speaks to heart, spirit to the Spirit. But when human words fail the Spirit of God takes over as the Paraclete or advocate to continue the conversation with the Ultimate Other. St Paul reminds us, “The Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with sighs too deep for words (Romans8:26). It requires a certain amount of inner freedom and spontaneity to speak to God. When one speaks to God as a routine exercise and in a mechanical way it is still speaking with God, yet it is not real prayer but empty and meaningless babbling. Isaiah writes, “And the Lord said: “Because this people draw near with their mouth and honour me with their lips, while their hearts are far from me, and their fear of me is a commandment of men learned by rote” (29:13) Jesus refers to the same text of Isaiah in the context of following traditions blindly according to Matthew (15:8). When the speaker does not mean what he or she says, it is a lie and thus the word is desecrated.

All Speaking is not Prayer
All the words used in diplomatic relationships and the so called politically correct words are all deceptive words and what lies behind such speaking is egoism and selfishness. They would lead only to a superficial relationship and not to real communion. The prayers of the Pharisee and the Publican in the parable of Jesus about them (Luke 18:9-14) clearly reveal what type of speaking with God is a prayer and what is not. If speaking with God arises from one’s pride and false self-understanding it is neither prayer nor real speaking. If any speaking with others and the ultimate Other does not arise from freedom and inner security it would not build up mutual acceptance, trust and communion. All prayers are speaking but all speaking need not be a prayer when one does not see the other and the ultimate Other as a pole of one’s own self.

Some people speak to God in order to receive some favours. They always look for some miracles to happen in their lives. It is also the same with humans in their conversation with other humans. Any speaking with the other with a hidden agenda or with an intention of manipulating the other lacks sincerity of heart. Therefore, it reduces the authentic goal of speaking, namely, communion, into a pragmatic approach to reduce a person into an object. This happens not only in human interactions but also in most of the speaking with God in prayers. People sometimes don’t let God be God. God revealed through Jesus Christ is not just an Anacin God or Aspirin God or a magician but the one who wants humans to grow and become adults who can stand before God as another Christ and converse with God as Dietrich Bonheoffer once observed.

Prayer leading to Speaking with Others
Only the one who really speaks with God can freely and really speak with others. One who speaks with God with the sincerity of heart in prayer will be able to speak with other humans with a sincerity of heart as well as with reverence and respect as the other is an image of God and a child of God. Openness and receptivity are the two essential pre-requisites for any encounter with the other. Authentic speaking with God in prayer leads one to such an encounter with the other. If one is not able to encounter others or is not able to be sensitive to the personhood of others, it reveals that their speaking to God in prayer is superficial and meaningless.

In his encyclical The Joy of the Gospel Pope Francis says, “Today ….the spiritual life comes to be identified with a few religious exercises which can offer a certain comfort but which do not encourage encounter with others, engagement with the world or a passion for evangelization. As a result, one can observe in many agents of evangelization, even though they pray, a heightened individualism, a crisis of identity and a cooling of fervour. These are three evils which fuel one another” (The Joy of the Gospel No.78). Though the Pope spoke this as a problem of many pastoral workers including religious men & women, it is the situation of many other disciples of Christ. The attitude of relating with God by speaking to God in prayer must be continued in one’s speaking with others. Then this speaking with the other becomes a prayer transforming the one who speaks as well as the one who listens.

Praying to God is often considered merely as an expression of one’s dependence on God. Therefore, prayer is often understood as a request for some favour. Even in the court-language, the term “prayer” is used to express a request to grant a favourable judgment to the one who seeks it from a judge. So prayer is identified with any petition. In fact, the Christian understanding of prayer is acknowledging God as God, and being grateful to God as the source and end of one’s existence. So all creatures praise and thank God as the entire cosmos comes to consciousness of itself through humans who praise and thank God for the beauty and bounty of creation. Speaking to others become a prayer when we acknowledge the dignity and uniqueness of the one we are speaking to and our words flow from our heart that affirms the dignity of the other directly or indirectly, When Jesus says, “Watch and pray that you may not fall into temptation” (Mark 24:48; Matthew 26:41) or when St Paul exhorts, “Pray constantly, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you (I Thessalonians 5:17-18), it is an invitation to acknowledge and be grateful to God, other humans and the entire cosmos for the interconnectedness that makes human life meaningful. Therefore, John Chrysostom (c.347-402 AD) says, “Prayer, a loving conversation with God, is the supreme good. It is both a relationship with and union with Him… Prayer is not the result of our external attitude; it comes from the heart. It is not limited to set hours, but, night and day, it is a continuous activity.” A continuous regard, love and reverence to God and others in speaking make every speaking a prayer and every prayer a speaking!