Rose Mary

As I have loved you, so you must love one another John 13:34

Every generation brings with it its own unique set of addictions that create havoc for the victims, as well as for the family and immediate environment. However, with the turn of the millennium, the nature of addictive influences underwent a sea change. From alcohol and drugs, that had to be physically consumed in privacy, it moved to a public and virtual space. Technology advancements opened an entirely new vista of interaction that looked attractive and user friendly, but was insidious in intent. On the surface they seemed to be promoting relationships and bridging physical distances with its instant messaging options, but in actual fact it was, and continues to create a lonely, gloomy world for its victims; a world of friends, admirers and even enemies that one is never likely to know or see in real time.

An even more alarming development was the transfer of this interaction from computer to handsets. This successfully ensured that teenagers could pursue their addiction uninterrupted, whether in a classroom or at home. Research on this all-pervading disease tells us that the number of teenagers who spend daily time with friends in a physical environment dropped by 40 per cent between 2000 and 2015. An alarming 73% of the youth between 8 and 13 are regular users of the social media. Psychologists are pessimistic about the effects of this, and claim that this virtual tsunami threatens to shatter the very foundations of mental and psychological well-being in the years to come.

As parents, we all know and understand the consequences of allowing our teenage daughters and sons to indulge in an unbridled use of social media. However we remain helpless and passive spectators, worrying incessantly about the influences that are giving direction to their lives. Almost every family has begun to feel the distances that social media is creating among those who enjoyed close physical and emotional bonds. In fact, it has even begun to corrode one’s capacity to build real relationships. Many of the active young members on social media fight, shy of a face-to-face interaction. This is because the dynamics that rule virtual relationships are quite opposed to those in the physical space. Relationships are shallow and confined mostly to a set of dedicated phrases like, follow, unfriend, unfollow to name a few. With the help of these one wields complete control over the association. To those whose world centres around these, real relationships that deal with real emotions and unpredictable reactions can become frightening and far removed. There begins the addiction, and the victim withdraws into a lone shell, living in a world of make-belief friends.

The question before young parents today is how they should deal with this problem that they are barely beginning to comprehend. One possible solution is to help children develop a serious hobby. If it is a group activity, like gardening for example, where the entire family is involved, it may work even better. The design, creation and maintenance of a garden of fruits, vegetables, herbs or medicinal plants require many hands and it nurtures an interest that may be lifelong. Of course, each family member need not be equally interested but they could still be part of an activity that involves jokes, remarks and even small fights in realtime.

Grandparents can also make good use of the time they spend with the little ones. Tucked away among a collection of precious objects in my husband’s cupboard is an old cigar box. The bright colours with which it was painted have faded with time, but his name still stands out boldly decorated on the lid. His grandfather got the children involved in this simple but interesting task, and each one of them had his own personalized box. Simple creative exercises done together could go a long way to develop lifetime habits.

Evolving a small family business can also create opportunities for group interaction. Our neighbourhood store sells delicious rolls and cutlets supplied by house-wives in the neighbourhood. These are wonderful occasions to involve family members and share the profits too. Most importantly, it helps them to enjoy and thrive in a real world.

Of course all this is possible only if young parents are not addicted to social media themselves. We all admit to being netizens and no one is advocating an absolute abstinence. However, we have a responsibility to steer the course of the younger generation away from the tips of icebergs that threaten to tear the very foundations of Christian love and forgiveness. Christ’s definition of ‘neighbour’ was the stranger on the street whom the Good Samaritan tended to. What can you say about a Christian who gives up his closest relationships for the gratification he derives from a set of faceless people that inhabit an unreal world?