Rosemary

Love keeps no record of wrongs (1 Corinthians 13:5)

Many of us would recall the stirring speech given by Shashi Tharoor at the Oxford Union in 2015, where he had lashed out at the British recounting the atrocities they had committed against the Indians, refreshing, fading memories of a colonial rule that we had all but forgotten. Since then, this brilliant politician diplomat has never lost an opportunity to fan the smouldering coals of patriotism by reminding and educating Indians that the British, in the course of their 200-year rule in India, had reduced one of the richest nations of the world to one wreathing in the depths of poverty and illiteracy. He follows this with a stern admonishment-You can forgive- but do not forget!

The stories are brilliant but the philosophy is severely stunted. If we were to apply this dictum to the subsequent events that India lived through, would we have grown as we have, to a great democracy, living with differences in caste, creed, language and customs? History records scores of similar incidents that have temporarily threatened to fragment our nation irrevocably. The riots that broke out in 1947 when India was on the threshold of freedom ceased only when Gandhiji declared his intention to fast till all violence had ceased. In 1984 anti Sikh riots broke out in the wake of the brutal murder of Prime Minister Indira Gandhi. The destruction of Babri Masjid by Hindu kar savaks, the retaliation in the Godhra incident, the murder of the Christian missionary Graham Staines and his two sons, Nirbhaya and its repeated versions – these are all horrific crimes against caste, creed and gender.

And yet we are one nation. Every time we stand in attention for the National Anthem we reiterate our unity and pledge our loyalty to the country and its people. The only reason for this is that at the heart of Indian religion and culture lies the propensity to forgive. It was the philosophy that drove the leadership of Independent India forward and it is the only sustainable solution for security and peace in the future.

But we now come to a vital question- how do we forgive without forgetting? How can we genuinely reconcile with another person or community or nation without consciously allowing time, the great healer, to dim the painful memories till finally they lose their edge and slowly break down the emotional barriers that come up in these situations. Forgetting is a vital part of the process of forgiving. While forgiving is a passive process that takes place in the heart and mind of the oppressed individual, our Lord Jesus has clearly presented before us a proactive model. He tells us to do good to our enemies, to pray for them, to be generous to those who exploit you. This is hardly possible without letting go of painful memories that tend to dwell in the dark corners of our mind.

Forgetting the pain caused by the wrong that others have done to you is a rare and divine gift that some have received from the Lord in His immense generosity, and, I believe that I am one of those lucky ones. I discovered it quite by chance in the course of receiving a nasty mail from a colleague that was unpardonable in language and content. Smarting under the sharp pain of unwarranted and false allegations, I needed a shoulder to cry on, and waited patiently for my husband to return from his official tour to pour out the entire incident and vent my anger till I found relief. My husband returned and listened to my tale. Half way through I realized that the story had no punch or fire, the details were blurred and there didn’t seem anything out of the way in it. I was, at first, frustrated with myself for having forgotten the hurting remarks, but in course of time, the memories lost their bite and I pushed it out of my mind forever. Through a whole new set of circumstances, my colleague and I became friends, and this time, there is no room for any kind of misunderstanding. It was then that I realized that God’s healing gift of forgetting was the forerunner of forgiving.

True forgiveness and reconciliation needs a minor dose of amnesia that takes care of any ugly emotional scars that may have been caused purposefully or inadvertently. This empties our minds and hearts of the lethal effects of negativity and fills us with the divine capacity to love once again.